“Bring your attention to the pain as if you were gently comforting a child,
holding it all in a loving and soothing attention.”
Jack Kornfield
This inspiring quote by Buddhist monk and meditation teacher, Jack Kornfield, captures the essence of self-compassion and mindfulness as an approach for relieving pain.
As we’ve mentioned many times, mindfulness at its core is focusing on the present moment with gentle, non-judgemental curiosity and acceptance. It is a turning towards the reality of what is happening and recognising patterns of thinking, moving and reacting to pain. For example it is natural to stress about the painful experience, to be tense and move differently, to anticipate pain and to think about bad things happening. Unhelpful thoughts such as “I’ll never get better”, “I can’t do X because of my pain” etc can lead to feelings of depression and anxiety.
These responses are understandable but they contribute to changes in the brain and body such as unhelpful inflammatory and hormonal responses that drive the cycle of pain. There can be a feeling of being stuck and not knowing how to find a way out. A different, more mindful and self-compassionate approach, letting go of the fight with pain, can be a way to break this cycle.
So what is self-compassion? Self-compassion is simply showing the same compassion you would have for a loved one, to yourself. As Dr Kristin Neff, a prominent figure in the field of self-compassion research, says,
“Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself
when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself.
Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality,
you stop to tell yourself “this is really difficult right now,” how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?”
Dr Kristin Neff
We can apply this approach to the experience of physical pain. Through regular mindfulness practice, we can learn to approach pain with compassionate acceptance. Instead of avoiding the pain or fighting against it, we can acknowledge that our experience is difficult and that we are trying our best. We can acknowledge that our pain and our previous unhelpful responses to it are simply our body trying its best to protect us and to survive with the resources that we have. We can gently move towards a more mindful and accepting approach, practising self-compassion along the way.
Practising mindfulness for pain can be a challenging skill to learn. Being open and accepting of pain can feel counter-intuitive when our natural impulse is to avoid unpleasant feelings. Self-compassion gives us permission to be slow learners, to make mistakes and to let go of expectations as we go through our mindfulness journey.
Research has shown the benefit of group mindfulness and compassion programs for learning how to build skills, attitudes and understandings in a supportive environment to help pain. There are a number of programs available across Australia. Take a look at courses such as MBSR, MBCT for PAIN, and MINDFUL MOVEMENT: RESTORE.